I recently have a new obsession with WE TV's My Fair Wedding. It's a reality TV show about an infamous wedding planner who works with brides to plan their weddings three weeks in advance (plenty of time, obviously). Like the show's tag line states, the brides have their "visions" and David Tutera (the wedding planner) has some "revisions." Hehe. I love play on words.
So anyway, all this wedding planning has been getting me thinking about what marriage means as a social state, as well as the meanings of all the "traditional" elements of a wedding. So I did a little research. Now, I can't say that my sources are scholarly but I'll take what I can get. So why do people get married to each other? Well, historically speaking, males dominated the "bread winning," and pragmatically speaking being married was beneficial for a woman. A man would give the bride's father a dowry for her hand, some cows, pigs; name your livestock. Sometimes the bride and the groom wouldn't even meet prior to their wedding (arranged marriages).
The veil.
Apparently, some fathers thought their daughters so visually unappealing that they couldn't risk letting the grooms-to-be see their daughters until right before the wedding began, so the brides wore a veil. Somehow that tradition managed to lose its original meaning and people still wear them. These days, it's highly unlikely the bride and groom haven't seen SOME part of the other's body prior to the ceremony, so I guess we can nix the veil.
White Dress.
This one was interesting according to my potentially reliable source. Apparently, women used to wear their best dress on their wedding day until Queen Victoria wore white and then European elitism has pervaded the Western world ever since. Also, the color white is supposed to symbolize virginity. Of course, males had to have virgin wives but that was not a mutual requirement. Ah, patriarchy. So I can pretty much eliminate the white dress issue.
Engagement Ring.
So I take the engagement ring to be a modern day dowry of sorts. I asked myself, why do women want a ring? Well, materialism is answer number one. Perhaps men spending ungodly amounts of money on a virtually worthless item symbolizes the ability of a man to financially support a woman. So...women can't financially support themselves and need a man to provide for them. Also, not so much. HOWEVER, I do find them to be practical in a way as a social symbol. If I were betrothed, this would basically mean that I'm ready to go for the gold but I may trip just before the finish line. Translation to my male compatriots: it's not too late yet, but it will be soon, so act now or forever hold your peace.
Wedding band.
Beyond conveying to the public that you're married, I find wedding rings foolish, although they are supposedly worn on the now-called "ring finger" because it contains the "vein of love." Whatevs. It's the socially-accepted "married" finger, so at least I know where my options lie and where they do not. Urges are more powerful than gold, so that isn't as effective for the weak of self-control, but nonetheless useful to the more inhibited.
Marriage itself.
I'm still struggling with this one. Call me a noncommittal betch but getting married to one person for your whole life sounds like a risky proposition. I liken it to getting a tattoo. You have to thrown down a relatively large amount of money to get it done and you bank on loving it forever. Maybe I'm self-aware of my own volatility or I've just learned from life experience that many things in life have an expiration date. The lifespan of something does not detract from its value. For another thing, I know myself enough to know that I plan for things in the future and when I reach the point in time where I would commence those plans, I find I've changed my mind. So I don't know how I could plan to love, cherish, etc, etc, one person for the rest of my life and expect myself to feel the same way until I die. This perspective comes from my lack of ever "being in love." I don't even know what those words mean. I love my parents, I love my brother, I love my friends, but I've never loved a man, not really. I've given a large crap about plenty of guys (always unreciprocally) but not love, I don't think. Most of the infatuations I've had with men up 'til now have come from a deap-seated self-esteem problem due to and fueled by unconscious conformity to social patriarchy. Now, I'm a baby feminist. It's kind of ridiculous that the concept of feminism must exist. I guess i'm more of a toddler feminist at this point.
So will I ever get married? Who knows? If so, will I have a traditional, Western wedding? Unlikely. Back on the donkey I climb and continue my ride across the mountainous terrain.
PS: Here's the site from which I obtained my wedding factoids: http://www.pibweddings.com/traditionsorigins.html
Peace.
-M.E.
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